Questions to ask before arranging extra care

Before you arrange extra care, write down what the person wants, what the provider can offer and what your family can keep up. Then take the same short list of questions to every provider.

You do not need to decide today. A clear list of questions turns a worry into a task.

What does the person receiving care want?

Start here, because everything else depends on it. Ask gently, in their language, and listen.

• What parts of the day feel hardest?
• What help would they welcome, and what would feel intrusive?
• Who do they feel comfortable having in the home?
• What matters to them, such as prayer times, meals or rest?

Write their answers in their own words. You will need them when you speak to providers.

What should I ask a provider?

Bring the same list to each one so you can compare. Choose from these.

• What exactly does the service include, and what is not included?
• What are the total costs, including any extra charges?
• What days and hours are available, and how much notice do you need?
• Which languages can your staff use with my relative?
• What happens if the regular person is unavailable?
• Who do I contact when something goes wrong?

Medical questions belong with a doctor, nurse or the provider’s qualified staff. Check each provider’s own website or office for current details, because rules and fees change and secondhand information goes out of date.

What can our family keep up?

Be honest about time, money and energy. Extra care that leans on a promise nobody can keep will fall through.

Ask each relative what they can really offer, and write it down. Our weekly shared-care sheet is useful for this. Also agree a backup early, using the guide on choosing a backup when care coverage falls through.

Try this: prepare in half an hour

Do this with one other relative if you can.

1. Write the person’s own words about what help they want.
2. List three to five questions from the section above that matter most.
3. Add one question about language and one about what happens when plans change.
4. Make a table with a column for each provider you plan to contact.
5. Call or message the first provider and fill in the answers as you hear them.
6. Stop after the first call and rest. You do not have to decide the same day.

What if I feel guilty or overwhelmed?

It is natural to feel guilty when you ask for outside help. Asking for support is a form of care, not a failure of it.

If the feeling is heavy for days, or you are not sleeping or coping, please speak to a doctor or counsellor, and read our support page.

How do I ask relatives for a specific part?

Once you know what is needed, ask for one clear piece. Our guide on asking for a specific caregiving handover gives wording you can borrow.

For help finding resources near you, the topic page on everyday life and local resources in Malaysia is a good start.

Where to go next

Read our parenting and caring guides for other guides on sharing the load. When your list is ready, Sadhguru’s free seven-minute guided meditation in the Miracle of Mind app is an optional way to take a quiet pause before the first call.